There are plenty of perfectly good reasons to leave Los Angeles and head to Northern California over a weekend. These include camping in Yosemite, sightseeing in San Francisco, or wine tasting in Napa. Picking up a broken-down 1989 Daihatsu Charade is not of them.
What sort of person would go through the trouble of going on a 700-mile escapade to pick up a $250 car in need of a new engine? A man who lives in Simi Valley, is intimately familiar with the inner workings of these tiny three-door Japanese hatchbacks, and wants to run one in the 24 Hours of LeMons. And, as it turns out, his easily bribed automotive journalist friend with access to a hitch-equipped truck -- our long-term 2009 Ford F-150 -- that had absolutely nothing better to do on a Saturday. Said friend also was under the impression that the car was located somewhere outside of Fresno rather than substantially farther away in Sonora, a small town about 111 miles east of San Francisco in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada mountains and not all that far away from the afore-mentioned Yosemite. In hindsight, a camping expedition could and probably should have been on the menu.
However, due to poverty-related reasons, the decision was made to make it a day trip instead of a weekend journey. That meant waking up tragically early on a Saturday (at 5:30 a.m., to be exact) in order to have a chance of getting back to Simi before sunset. First stop, not counting fuel stops for truck and occupants: Modesto via California Route 99 though the eastern part of California's Central Valley -- a flat agricultural region far more Midwest than California -- to pick up a tow dolly at the closest U Haul to Sonora. In case the name Modesto sounds vaguely familiar, it's because this otherwise nondescript town gained national infamy back in 2001 with the Gary Condit/Chandra Levy affair.
From Modesto, we traveled another 58 miles to the seller's house in Sonora via highway 108. Given that the Charade's valves became closely acquainted with its pistons thanks to a broken timing belt, getting the vehicle onto the dolly required some good, old-fashioned pushing, aided by the downhill slope of the road. Some cursing and sweating later, we were back on the road, only to hit the one snag of the day sometime later on the 108. While we were loading the car, an accident had occurred on the highway, resulting in half of the road being blocked off and the CHP doing traffic control, letting through only one side of the road at a time. The impatient turned around for an alternate route, but the delay was only 10 minutes at most.
Since returning through Modesto was unnecessary, the more-scenic highway 59 was chosen as the route back to the 99, saving 30 miles and a half hour in the process. A slightly twisty, hilly road, the 59 is the sort of highway that makes for a fun, relaxed cruise on a motorcycle or in a convertible, and it meets the 99 in Merced. Back on the 99, we needed a slower speed for trailer safety and LEO compliance, which maked the return leg around an hour longer. The F-150's tow mirrors proved their usefulness during the entire return leg, making it easy to keep the trailer from hitting foreign objects, but descending the Tejon Pass, better known as the Grapevine, provided a great opportunity to try out the truck's Tow/Haul mode, which changes shift points to maximize torque and engine braking performance, useful on downhill grades. It worked well, maintaining a downhill speed of about 60 mph without any driver input on the brake pedal and even slower on flatter parts of the pass. While barely needed when pulling the sub-2500-lb combined weight of the dolly and Charade, Tow/Haul would be welcome when pulling a weight closer to the truck's 11,200-lb maximum.
The remaining leg of the road from Valencia to Simi went by smoothly, and the 13.5-hour misadventure ended at around 7:30 p.m. with the sun still in the sky. The recently acquired Charade took its position in the driveway, replacing another red Charade, this one with a barely working engine, which was subsequently towed to an undisclosed location.
In the midst of all this, the F-150 achieved average fuel economy of about 16.4 mpg, its gargantuan 36-gallon fuel tank requiring only one fill-up on the entire journey. By the time the truck reached a gas station again, 545 miles were on its trip computer and the tank still had almost three gallons of fuel left in it. Ride quality and seats proved plenty comfortable for a marathon road trip, more so than even in some luxury cars. Miles were consumed in a decidedly untrucklike fashion -- smoothly, effortlessly, and quietly.
Three things the Ford could use, however. First, proximity sensors in the front to make it easier to maneuver in tight quarters such as a poorly designed McDonald's drive thru. Second, a diesel engine, which would mean enough range to do the entire 700-mile drive on one tank and then some, plus improved towing and hauling performance. And third, an on-board coffee maker to keep the occupants awake. Sooner or later, someone has to put one in a truck, right?